Dear Weather

Weather Letter

Hello, that is the only pleasantry I’ll be dishing out. Why, you ask. Why not, is my response. I am just concerned about you. I called for an intervention but people had better things to do than wait for a version of you to appear. I have noticed that you have a multi-weather disorder and would like to help you get help. You refusing to acknowledge that you have a problem does not only hurt you. It hurts me and several other people. I will just give you short snippets of my life so you see how much damage and trauma you will/have caused upon my life.
Scenario 1
Just the other day (read a month or so ago) I took my lovely self to buy clothes for warm weather. This is because I knew and had no reason to doubt that August will be a hot month. I skipped the heavy jackets, gumboots, raincoats, Uggs and several warmth providing articles of clothing. I went reached at a sweater stand and thought that I can look like Emily from Pretty Little Liars if I bought impractical sweaters. I bought a see-through sweater, a sweater with the arms reaching my elbow and a sweater with no chest because fashion over practicality and sense. And then what do you do? You moisturise my natural hair with Nairobi’s slightly acidic rain! For shame! For shame!

Is that a practical sweater? It has holes. Lots
Is that a practical sweater? It has holes. Lots

Scenario 2
I am usually ever in debt. I am already broke for next month but you do not share the sisterly/ brotherly love with me. You bring in rain when I can’t afford and umbrella good enough to shield me and my immune system from getting pneumonia and or deathly cold. Do you even have a duty rota? Has rain complained that she is being overworked? Are you paying her overtime? What about the cold, isn’t he tired of showing up to work every. Single. Day. 24 hours a week? I feel like he is doing this to get overtime. I think he does not know how to use his money, so why don’t you sign him up for a Centonomy class or just check if he is the sun’s sponsor. Sun has been acting like she owns the place, not going to work and just lazing around like a person with a sponsor. I’ll be filing a complaint with the necessary authorities.
Scenario 3
I leave the house all swaddled up in my vest, tshirt, sweater, jumper and carrying a blanket in my bag bracing myself for a cold day. But you, you saddistic spawn of evil borrow your father Satan an overwhelming quantity of heat and just dawn it upon me. So now I have a blanket I can’t use. I keep feeling like fainting all over the place because of the heat. Why don’t you remove some of the clothes you are wearing, you ask. I can’t because the vest has holes in it, the sweater was once black but now because of January’s sun, it has brown patches. The T-shirt is my “T-shirt ya kuvaa nikiosha nyumba” . Now do you understand my plight?
So because of the above scenarios, I just plead with you to please let me take you somewhere you can get help. Also could you please learn to delegate because I feel, yes I use that word because of the therapy I am getting. I feel like if you learnt how to delegate, then we would have the different elements of weather coming out when they are supposed to. I know we may be at fault at the moment because we release toxic nothings into the air but I ask you to stop punishing us. This is me begging, I never beg, so this is serious manenos. Hope you will look into this please. Thank you.
Kind Regards,
Rachael

What say you?