I have two eyes like every body else difference is mine are broken. Wait, hear me out. I have night blindness; I am short-sighted and allergic to light. I only keep them because they are pretty cute with eye-liner on. Why am I telling you all these? My eyes have let me down more times than I would care to remember. I will tell you one story and let you be the judge of whether I should gouge them out or not.
When I was in lower primary I saw snake eggs. They were shiny, oval white little things that looked pretty. I almost picked them up when I was told what they were. You think this didn’t make me an expert on matters snake eggs? Think again.
Flash forward to 2005 when I was in class seven. We went to ushago as is the norm during Christmas week. To avoid washing utensils or the house I would pretend that I wanted to see what new trees we have planted. On this day I didn’t go alone, I took my two brothers and left.
We walked down the terraces, helping each other climb down and then came to a tree that looked like it was at least 50 years old. At the bottom of the tree lay white round things. These were bigger than any I have seen and my expertise kicked in. The problem with living in Nairobi is that there is TV and you see a lot of things. I had seen a python and anaconda on TV. An anaconda was out of the question because honestly J-Lo and team killed it in that one movie. OK, where will that huge thing hide so I was left with option python.
“Hii ni mayai ya nyoka!”I said and my big brother looked at me asking how I knew. I gave them the story of how I once saw snake eggs and this made me an expert as they had never seen any. I was like I am out of here, I have a lot of things to accomplish in life and I am too pretty to die, ciao! I ran so fast I could defeat Usain Bolt. As I was basking in this victory my smaller brother passed me and then my big brother. Remember when coming down we had to help each other down because of terraces. This time round we jumped those terraces like hurdles and clutched on grass and before they broke we were up the terrace.
“Dad!Dad!Daddy!Our dear dad, where thou art?” He came running and because I had the biggest mouth of the three, I explained everything and he was like let us go check. He went back down with my two brothers and uncle and I remained like three terraces up. He started poking the round things and I remember thinking what are you doing? Are you high on banana leaves? What if the python is seeing you? It can just swallow you; it swallows disproportionate animals like goats. You are pretty proportionate and easy to swallow.
My thoughts were interrupted by him laughing. He laughed until he cried and I was like, you seem so happy for somebody who’s gonna learn today. He told us those are mushrooms and that some of them look like that. I couldn’t believe it so I made my way down and found that they actually looked like mushrooms when uprooted.
Parents take your children to the countryside for them to learn these things. This would have been very embarrassing if there were more people there. People still make fun of us up to this day seeing that we gave my uncle and the farm boys a story to circulate about us around the village. Happy to entertain darlings, happy to entertain.
ION: I was nominated for the OLX SOMA award on the new blogger category. Just choose option 21C on soma.or.ke/vot/ fill in the details and you are good to go. You can vote more than once, get clicking.