This life is very unpredictable. One morning you wake up, it’s raining, the boda boda guy is asking you for ksh 20 to help you cross the overflooded road but you still remain hopeful for a good day. Another day you wake up, the sun is bright, the birds are chirping, there is no jam but your mood is on another level of bad. The weather will sometimes not match our moods. Its like when you are busy mentally preparing your brain for a positive day tomorrow, the weather gods give you the finger. But how much is your happiness worth. Is it worth being dampened by a few drops of rain or the stench of a miraa eating, changaa drinking, never showering makanga? It is not. It might dampen a little bit but you have the power to change that.
I remember there was a time I was having a bout of sad times where even watching youtube videos was proving to be a chore. Music sounded like the grating or a bar of steel on a steel grater. Morning seemed like a cruel joke. I tried to google about how to make myself happier. I am generally a very happy person and I sometimes cheer people up with my nonsense, clumsiness or wit. I opened this site and I kid you not, the first hint was that we need to trick the brain. I was skeptical because it is my brain, how can I trick it.
I feel like I am not coming across clearly, you are supposed to read something, the brain processes it and then use that same thing the brain has just processed to trick it? You see where the problem is? I went ahead to follow the instructions because 8:4:4 taught me how to follow instructions without questioning anything. I picked a pencil, held it across my mouth and went ahead to bite on it. This is supposed to confuse your brain into thinking you are happier. How? Has it ever worked for any of you. The other one was smile long enough for your brain to think that you are happy. What I got from this was a cheek cramp, nothing worked. Maybe it’s because I overthink things or the more plausible opinion of they are useless solutions. You can try journaling your days, that will help.
What I do nowadays is put on a playlist I like, crank the music up and take a broom. I then go ahead to perform the best concert ever to my couch. I have an air guitar, a microphone, an angelic voice and dance numbers that cannot be matched. This works because I am actually having a good time and when I am done, I laugh at myself because that was lame and stupid but worth it.
Remember Maxine Waters and her famous ‘Reclaiming my time’ line? I am doing a lot of that now. I would involve myself in people’s problems. I would watch a TV series and feel bad for a character for weeks. I would say the wrong thing and that would eat me up every time I saw the person. I would mess up and apologise. I apologise a lot but you know what, sometimes you need to let go and give yourself some breathing space.
The results I have seen so far is that my anxiety has gone down a significant amount. I started having panic attacks in the last semester of university and then I started having anxiety attacks too. I happened to get a mild one during an interview and didn’t get that job. In order to keep them in check, I remove myself from situations that make them flair up too much. That is if that situation is not worth it. I am not about to roll on the ground like a baby with a tantrum for something not worth my time.
Reclaim your time, dance with a mop, enjoy matatu rides, Read, Record yourself singing. Life is meant to be lived not to be spectated upon.
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As always comment below with how you keep happy . XOXO