I have been an adult for nearly 5 years now. You would think that I should have learnt a few things on how to dress, talk to people and generally not die. I haven’t. You know how you wake up each morning, drag yourself to the shower and do your normal preparations before you face the world? There are people who enjoy this. Some even add an extra step of doing an hour of exercise before they shower. That is a person who is living successfully as an adult. And clearly this person is not me.
The only thing that makes people think I am an adult is the date of birth on my official documents and the fact that I am done with university. I would like to give you scenarios at how I fail at adulting.
- I need an alarm clock to wake me up EVERY. DAMN.TIME
What time I wake up is a non-issue. I need an alarm clock to wake me up any time of the day. You know the internal clock people have? I don’t have one. I don’t even have an external clock/watch.
- I don’t know how to choose the non-sunny side of a vehicle
Every time I enter a vehicle I find that I sat at the side with the most sunlight. At this time I can honestly bet that my left side is darker than my right because of the tonne of sunlight it has been exposed to. You would think it would be easier to know considering I live in the north of Nairobi so most of my travels are always to the North or South as I come to town. If you have ever seen a compass, you know this shouldn’t be hard.
- I cannot handle having more than two pairs of shoes
It doesn’t matter how many shoes I have. I will wear the same two pairs until they wear out or until an occasion calls for a different pair. Having too many pairs of shoes gives me anxiety and between me and my quarter life crisis, I don’t have time to deal with anxiety.
- I always forget to comb my hair
I usually forget that I have a head. Not just the part with hair, even the face. I stopped counting the number of times I have forgotten I have a head because it happens too many times. I will leave the house without combing my hair or applying anything on my face and I will remember a few minutes later. Thank God I remember before I start my journey because to be honest I am usually looking like someone going for a traditional dance or something
- I cannot feed myself
This is so serious that I can eat breakfast food (Weetabix to be precise) all day every day. When my parents leave me by myself they have to call back to enquire if I ate and what I ate. I am starting to think that I am at that age I should be moving out but I fear that I will kill myself with malnutrition.
If this is not failing at being an adult I don’t know what is. There are many decisions an adult has to make and they will either make their lives better or worse. I feel like sometimes I make the best of decisions. Decisions that could get an Oscar for the best decision ever made. They are there, but they are very few. Like me changing my career, that is one of those decisions. It has a Lifetime Achievement Award. Just look it up. How are you failing at being an adult?