Riches are in the text of the spam folder

It's all about the money
It's all about the money
It’s all about the chaching! chaching!

I am rich! This has been a dream of mine and it is finally coming true. Well, I wish it was coming true. I have a Gmail account. In this Gmail account, I have a spam folder. This spam folder has my riches. I am here wondering if there are any laws against scammers. Like if I find the people who claim that I have $1,000,000 that I need to collect, can I take them to court or something? I should be able to sue these people for the amount they quoted for selling me the dream and not following through. For giving me hopes for a future that will never exist. For emotional and intelligence abuse. This is how justice should be served.

In my spam folder, I currently have around $24 million dollars. To put it into perspective that is ksh 2,480,400,000. I could own a whole province. I could appear on the ‘Who Owns Kenya’ segment. I could be the envy of millions of people but nooooooooo! The devil won’t allow it.

This had made me have sleepless nights trying to see how I would use this money. For realistic purposes and the Kenyan in me I will say Real estate. Buying and selling already built houses or offer my hand in helping people build their own houses. This is the realistic bit. Making my money work for me and cycle in the economy nicely.

But, we all know that isn’t it. I can’t have stayed awake all night for a month to only think of practical ideas. Let me see… A private island, how much does one cost? Doesn’t matter, I have the money *evil laugh* If I wanted 20% of Google, how much would that cost? Doesn’t matter, I have the money. The amount I quoted above is for the spam, in the folder, this month. It deletes the emails every 30 days. So I have more money than you can even try count, so don’t try it.


Where were we, oh we were throwing money around. Is it legal to buy people? Not like slaves or anything, just to have them around you to look at them. I think I just crossed the moral line but hey, can I have me one Sia, one Ella Eyre,one Deepika Padukone, the whole cast of Lost girl, Grey’s Anatomy and Shonda? Is this possible? Who do I talk to, to make this happen?

These are the thoughts that run around my head at night, giving me minimal sleep. Oh can I also buy a time machine. I know someone has already made one and they are just waiting for shit to hit the fan before they hit the transport me to 1990 button. I need this more than they do because I have made choices in my life. Some of these choices make me cringe and shed a single tear because of how dumb they are. If you know the guy, I will pay you to take me to him or her.

They say that money is the root of all evil and as we have seen, I have crossed the moral line a few times in this article. Which reminds me, is Adele’s voice for sale and how much would she need for it? I’m sorry but those who say that money is the root of all evil, they don’t got money. I have money now so I don’t and can’t relate. Woop woop. Please get back to me with how much Adele’s voice is going for also add her personality. Thank you very much.

This life of mine needs some reality checks.

What say you?